9 weeks

Well I am now in my ninth week of pregnancy with the twins. It feels like time is moving soooo slow! I feel like I have been pregnant forever already! I am totally missing seeing my babies every week. I almost wish I had stayed with my RE longer so I could get my weekly visits. I don’t miss paying $550 a week though! I don’t have my next appt. until October 7, 2 1/2 weeks away. I wish there was some way to know if they are OK. I hate wondering. I did order an Angelsounds doppler, hopefully I can hear something with it. I hate that I am still so paranoid. Every time I go to the bathroom I check to see if there is blood when I wipe. I am constantly grabbing my boobs to make sure they are still sore. It sucks!

I did get taken completely off my meds this week. I went for labs Thursday and my Estradiol was over 2400, Progesterone was 30 (he wants it at least over 15). The nurse called and said I could stop my Crinone. I questioned it because I am only 9 weeks but she assured me that I am fine. They will check my levels next week just to make sure it is at least still above 15. In the past couple weeks my Progesterone level went from 17 one week to 32 the next, she said that is the sign that the placenta has kicked in, which is what he looks for. She also said not to compare myself to others who may have been on it longer. Every DR has different protocols, as well as every patient different issues. Soooo I will just accept it and pray they know what they’re talking about! (I am sure they do) 🙂

As far as how I am feeling, well I am at my best when I first wake up. I wake up with energy and a strong appetite. By around 3/4:00 every day I start to go downhill. I get super tired, SUPER nauseous, and usually get a headache. The nausea is intense and I have literally tried everything from ginger tea, raw ginger under my tongue, sea bands, ginger ale, crackers (yuck), Emetrol, you get the point, I have tried it all, nothing works. I did recently try lemonade with ice and it seems to help slightly, only temporarily though, after about an hour, nausea is back full force. It sucks because I am home all day by myself, feeling good, and then by the time the kids get home from school and my hubby from work, I feel like complete shit so it is hard to enjoy hanging out with them because I just want to force myself to sleep to avoid feeling sick.

I do have a few food aversions, chicken is number one…YUCK!!! The thought of it makes me sick! Meat in general is just kind of gross to me right now. Also onions, I usually love onions on everything, now I loathe them. Dairy also grosses me out. I am almost always craving carbs and salty foods. Sweets don’t really appeal to me at all. I could seriously eat Mexican food every day.

My boobs are HUGE, especially when I first wake up. They just feel super big and tight. They are very sore also. My stomach is getting HUGE too! I am totally already showing. I look 4 months pregnant. I have only gained about 3-4 pounds, in my ass and hips I think. :-/ Here is a belly shot…

9 weeks

Yes, I know, my mirror is dirty! I honestly don’t care lately. Usually my house is spotless but I have been slacking big time lately!

As far as other symptoms, I don’t really have any. Oh, I do pee a lot. I mean A LOT! I literally am up EVERY hour at night to pee, I don’t sleep good at all lately. I also pee at least once an hour during the day, sometimes more than that! Sooo annoying!

Other than all that, I feel great! I am just beyond the moon excited. We already ordered both cribs, we pick them up Sunday. We also bought both car seats. We bought a twin stroller to go with them but it is super bulky so I think we are going to return it and just get a double Snap n’ Go. I also ordered my diaper bag, super cute, looks like a purse. I love it!

I cannot wait until these little peanuts get here. I fantasize about them all the time. I also thank God constantly. I think about how much and how long we struggled to have a baby and now we are blessed with two. It is awesome. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world!!

My first cycle vs. my second cycle

This post is basically just a journal of what I did differently my second IVF cycle. Obviously a major difference is that my first was fresh and second was frozen. After doing some research and speaking with my DR, it seems as though FET is actually more successful. My DR said he finds any excuse he can to do FET. With an FET your body has had time to calm down from retrieval and all the meds. Who knows if there is any difference, I only know what worked for me. Another major difference was I had 2 fibroids and some endometriosis removed prior to cycle 2 so my uterus was nice and clean! With my FET I also did assisted hatching. I really think this played a huge role in the success. I mean one of the embryos was halfway out when they put it in me! The other was starting to break out. The second cycle I also took two valium rather than one. I remember with my first cycle taking the one valium and still feeling very tense and anxious. I didn’t relax like I should have. So right before the second I asked for two valium, MUCH better! I was super relaxed all day and so was my uterus! A couple of other things are bedrest, for the first transfer immediately after Dr. Silverberg required me to lay down for 30 min before I could get dressed, well a few months later at my FET he said he had done further research and found that bedrest can actually be a bad thing. Something about the way the embryos rest on the uterine wall. He said if you’re going to sit or lie down, do it propped, not completely lying down. He was voted one of America’s top doctors this year so I tend to believe everything that comes out of his mouth LOL. I immediately got up after the transfer, peed, put in my crinone, got dressed, and left. Once we left we went to Snap Kitchen to pick up our weekly meals, went home and dropped them off, went to a movie, then went to an Open House, then dinner, then home. BUSY day! The days following were similar. 2 days after transfer I even went on a 2 mile walk. He said it gets your blood flowing which is what the embryos need. First transfer I pretty much stayed in bed every single day until my BFN. Speaking of the embies, I also immediately framed the picture of them this time. I put it on my nightstand and kissed it goodnight every single night (and still do). I bonded with them instantly. I believed this time. I was constantly positive and acting as if I was pregnant. The first time I was negative, constantly googling shit, swearing it didn’t work, just a real Debbie Downer. That shit isn’t healthy. I stayed off google 98% of the time and wow, mentally I felt much better! I also had no distractions this time. I don’t work so that isn’t an issue but last cycle I was in school full-time, so were my kids, this time both kids were with family in Florida (summer break) and I did not take any classes. No stress was just what I needed!!!! I just felt so relaxed this time. My DR puts so much emphasis on being stress-free and I agree it makes a huge difference. The only other thing I did differently was eat pineapple. Sure, it’s probably just an old wives tale, but hey, pineapple is f*cking delicious so why not?! I had 2 slices per day, up until 4 days after BFP.

Who knows what the real difference was this time. It could have been a combo of all these things, just one or two, or nothing but God’s plan, all I know is that both of my beautiful embryos took!


Soooooo I went in for a beta today because I have been having some horrendous diarrhea (sorry for the TMI) and a little pain on my right side that has lasted a few days. My 4th beta was 13,463!!!! Dr. Silverberg asked me to come in for an ultrasound to make sure everything is OK. Welllll, we saw two healthy looking sacs!!! We are having twins!!!!! I am so freaking excited!!!!!!! We are due 4/22/2015. We go back next week for another ultrasound. I cannot believe I am growing two small humans in me. I am just ecstatic. I love them both so much already. Here is our u/s pic…

Sokol Twins!

And here is our announcement we made on Facebook a couple days ago (yes, we announced before our u/s), and as you can see our family and friends are VERY happy for us!!!

Sokol Anncmt

Well that’s all for now! Soooooo happy!!!!!!!!

(12dp5dt) Because I’m impatient…

Ok so this morning I went and had my blood drawn again. My nausea isn’t as strong as it was a few days ago so I got paranoid. Once you’ve had a miscarriage, it totally screws with you. Plus I have all kinds of pressure and weird feelings down below. I just had to know and there was no way I could wait until next Wednesday. I got the OK to get the draw (they must think I’m nuts). Just got the call and my number went from 766 on Wednesday to 2414 today!!! I’m so excited and feeling much more comfortable and confident that this is a healthy pregnancy. Whew, sigh of relief. I’m so worn out from waiting for that call, I’m going to take a nap!


Just got beta number 2 and it more than doubled! 🙂 We went from 303 to 766! So excited, I just pray that it continues to go this way. Now I have to wait a week to get another HCG drawn. How will I survive??!! I was hoping to get another Friday but they said I’m good. So now I wait…again.

As far as how I’ve been feeling, well, it’s up and down. My breasts are definitely feeling fuller but the tenderness comes and goes. It freaks me out when it goes. I’m like, “Oh shit, I need to feel pregnant! I need sore boobs and nausea!” Lol. I’m actually nauseous A LOT, especially at night it seems. I stocked up on ginger ale. I’ve had headaches that come and go as well. My sleep has been wacky, I’ll wake up in the middle of the night and be up for hours. My mind is racing. It’s the excitement and anxiety I think. I have been relaxing a lot, it feels good just to watch TV and read books with no distractions. I’m just so darn excited and anxious for our first ultrasound, the week of the 25th!! 🙂

My magic number…

Three posts in one day…I’m on a roll. Anyways, just got the call and my magic number is 303!!!! My nurse said they only look for a 50 at 9dp5dt, and mine is 303 at 8dp5dt! She said it’s a beautiful number! Could be twins!! 😉 I go back in 48 hrs to check again. Hopefully good news! Ok, I’m done for the day. Xo



So I’m trying to be a good girl and wait right? Keeping myself busy. I was cleaning under my bathroom sink. I found an HPT. I tried so hard not to do it but I just had to!!! Immediately it showed I was pregnant! I’m headed to lab now for beta. Praying for a good number and that it stays good!!!!



I have one more day to go. The suspense is killing me. I mean, I feel pregnant, 100%. But of course…I could be wrong. It is definitely a different feeling than my last transfer which is why I don’t think it’s the progesterone, I think it’s a baby…or two. 😉 I’ve been pregnant before and each time has felt like this. I’m super excited, extremely nervous, and VERY anxious!

Last night was pretty rough. My breasts were extremely sore and sensitive all day, but that doesn’t bother me. I actually like it. It makes me feel pregnant LOL. I got really sick though. We went to see Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (awesome movie) and afterwards went to one of our favorite restaurants, Ramen Tatsu-ya. Best ramen ever. Anyway, immediately after eating it I felt sick. We rushed home and I was on and off the toilet all night and still am. The nausea was unreal. My hubby and the other couple we went with were fine. I was actually so sick that we left the other couple there, still eating their food. I normally would never do that because it’s rude but that’s how ill I was. Here is the beautiful ramen.


So tomorrow I find out if indeed there is life growing within me. I pray this gut feeling I have is right. I want to go to CVS so bad and get a test, but I promised my husband I would wait. So today I will try extremely hard to keep myself busy. It feels like Christmas Eve. I think my husband likes torturing me. He did buy me a super awesome new bracelet this weekend though, to make up for the torture maybe? I don’t know, but it made me happy! Diamonds always make me happy! 🙂


Ok, I am off on a quest to stay busy. Fingers crossed, tomorrow I post amazing news! Xo


Not much to report. My breasts have been feeling very full and tender the past couple days (especially at night). During the day, if wearing a bra, somewhat, but not so much. In my previous pregnancies this has always been how I knew I was pregnant. I feel like when I was pregnant they were SUPER sensitive. I don’t have this…yet. I’m also quite aware that progesterone can make breasts feel full and tender. I will continue to be optimistic though and believe that they are growing because I have life growing in me. 🙂 That’s really all I feel at this point. I am just really looking forward to some good news on Tuesday!! I will NOT test early. I will NOT test early. I will NOT test early…


Well it has been a little over 72 hrs since my beautiful embryos were put inside their home. I’m not feeling much at this point, it’s still rather early. My breasts are starting to feel a bit fuller so I’m hoping that’s a good sign! I’ve been much more positive in my thinking this cycle and have really bonded more with my little ice babies. I even fell asleep holding the picture framed of them.

My husband and I actually did something very scary and made our experience public to all of our friends and family. I was hesitant at first but I don’t feel this should be something that’s hidden. IVF shouldn’t be whispered about and made to feel taboo. It is a huge deal and the more prayers we can get, well, bring em’ on!!! Everyone was SO supportive!!

imageIt really felt amazing to receive all the love we did. Part of me was scared afterwards because if it isn’t successful, I have to tell everyone. But I am really ok with it all I think. I feel it will be a success so the fear isn’t necessary.

Here is an awesome pic of my babes snuggled up in my uterine cavity. I posted this pic too. 🙂

imageSomeone who inspired me to open up publicly was Bobbie Thomas. She just recently made her story public, and even shared on the Today show yesterday with Kathie Lee. I actually left a comment on Bobbie’s page about how I was thankful for her sharing and she replied! I thought it was super cool!



Well that’s all I got for now. Hopefully by the end of the week I have better/more news!

Safe & Sound

Well they’re both in! Here is a picture of the hubs and I, and of our two beautiful ice babies. 🙂 Yes, I framed their picture. It’s on my nightstand. 🙂 Will write more later in the week, going to finally watch Bad Words. So excited!



Twas’ the night before transfer…

Well less than 24 hrs to go! I am super excited but I am also terrified. We have had SO much failure over the past several years. I just want this to finally happen. I am really going to try and stay positive and calm this time, and stay off google!!! Last transfer was just a very hectic time, the kids were finishing school, I had exams, I was constantly googling info about transfers and IVF, it was not healthy. Both of my kids are in Florida for the next week and a half so I will be home alone (during the day – hubby works), free to just relax. I took my last exam for Psychology today (almost a week early) so that I could be finished with the class early. I am officially done with this semester and got another “A”. (happy happy) That is a HUGE relief!

This week I pigged out on sushi since I won’t be able to for quite some time. Damn I love sushi. There is a new place that opened down the street and it is soooo good. I am super picky about seafood, probably because I was raised on the beach, I know fresh from not fresh. This sushi is FRESH!

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So anyway, I talked to my nurse yesterday and she said my arrival time is 9:30 tomorrow morning, transfer at 10:30. They will give me 2 valium this time because last transfer I was pretty wound up (I have a very anxious personality). I told them I want to be nice and relaxed haha. I am to bring my Crinone with me and insert after the transfer, before I go home (didn’t do that last time). Today I made sure the house is spotless, a clean house is such a stress relief for me LOL. I filled up my gas tank, filled up the fridge. I also used the last of my amazing truffle goat cheese in a omelette (no soft cheese supposedly while pregnant), and I enjoyed my last non-fat latte for the next several months!


The only thing I didn’t get to do today was pick up this weeks meals at Snap Kitchen. Brandon said he would go tomorrow. Tomorrow when we get home I plan to just chill in bed for the day. I am super excited that Bad Words is On Demand now so we will definitely be watching that!

I will try and get on this week and post a pic of my little frosties. 🙂


Freaking out

Well as of right now I have 4 days, 19 hours, and 49 minutes until my FET. I am freaking out and praying all continues as planned. This morning when I came home from the gym I noticed blood when I wiped. I swore it was my period coming. I was devastated. I told my hubby, and he of course tried to calm me down and comfort me. I went about my business, went to the lab and had my progesterone drawn, emailed my nurse (poor thing I email her almost every other day about something), and then sat down and waited. I cried. Checked my email every 5 minutes to see if my nurse had responded. She finally did right after 9:00 am and told me basically the meds they have me on are intended to stop me from ovulating but sometimes it doesn’t work. She said she would let me know as soon as she got my progesterone level, that would ultimately be the deciding factor on if we would move forward with the transfer. She called right after 11:00 and told me we were good to go, my level was nice and low at 0.2. I cried when we got off the phone, happy cry of course. I still don’t feel comforted though. Why did I bleed? Was it the beginning of my period which is due to start on Friday? Was it because I have been going so hard at the gym? Is this a sign from God I should reschedule? I never randomly bleed. Ever. What does the low progesterone number have to do with anything (I wish I had asked why that was so important)? I haven’t bled since. So weird. Ugh, I am going to be a nervous wreck until the transfer. Oh, and then after the transfer too of course!  All I can do is pray all goes well and leave it in God’s hands.

Last week at my uterine lining check the big “U” looked great, lining was 8.3 (it needs to be at least 7). So according to my numbers, everything looks great. I feel great. I have been eating clean and working out 6 days a week. Already lost quite a few inches. I feel so much better. I plan to take my last exam for this semester on Saturday so I can finish the class early and have next week to just be stress-free. I got the OK from the American Red Cross to sign up for orientation as a volunteer, I am all set to attend next Wednesday. I am really excited! It was a long process to get this far.

Fingers crossed no more bleeding. I am so tired of all of the set backs. It is so mentally exhausting. Ok, back to studying.


So I have about 2 1/2 weeks to go. I am getting super anxious! I started working out daily about 2 weeks ago and it is keeping me distracted. I also found a last minute Distance Learning class for school that I signed up for. It is a six week Psychology (Human Development) class so not only is it a super interesting topic, but it’s a 6-weeker which means it is going by very fast and it distracts the hell out of me. Took my first exam today and got an A. Super stoked. I am getting really ANXIOUS though!!!! I am sooooo excited and really just hoping everything goes smoothly and that by this time next month I am preggo.

The hubby has started coming with me to the gym which I am really happy about. He is training me on weights. I am already losing inches and down 3 pounds. We also started eating completely clean. No processed foods whatsoever. For our lunches we went to this really cool place in Austin called Snap Kitchen and loaded up on pre-made meals. We will go there twice a week and stock up on lunches. They are completely natural, local grown food. A little pricey ($150 a week) but soooo worth it. We tried meal prepping on our own but it is very time consuming and we got bored of the foods. This will give us a good variety plus the portion sizes are what they need to be. I am really trying to go into this pregnancy healthy. I ate like shit the last time, well most of the time anyways, and I wasn’t active at all. This time last year I was running half marathons and miscellaneous other races almost every other weekend. I stopped when we started this process and I have gotten so out of shape it’s ridiculous. Looking forward to getting toned back up! Here are a couple pics from some of my half marathons…

This was my first one. Livelong. I was super slow but so amazed that I ran the whole thing without stopping! The little kid running behind me in the distance is my son. He waited for me about 1/4 mile away from the finish line and I will never forget when I saw him I just started crying. One because I knew I was almost done and two because I felt so blessed that my family was there to see me finish (my hubby and daughter were waiting at the finish). He ran behind me the rest of the way to the finish. 🙂


This one is from one of my favorites, but hardest. We flew to San Francisco for me to run this. It was the Nike Womens Marathon. At the finish line firefighters were waiting with Tiffany necklaces. Instead of the traditional finishers medal I got a beautiful necklace. My hubby thinks that’s the only reason I wanted to do that race. Hmmm, maybe he’s right! I did love San Fran though!



Ok, I got totally off topic on this post! 😉

So yea, anyways, I am super ANXIOUS!!! Feels like the countdown to Christmas Eve! 😉

3 weeks 2 days

So Tuesday I saw Dr. Silverberg and got my baseline ultrasound. He said everything was good, uterus was looking good, FREE FROM FIBROIDS yay!!!! I started Estradiol 2x a day and will increase to 3x a day next Tuesday. I am actually not doing to bad on it this go around. I have had headaches but not like before and my night sweats aren’t as bad either. July 25th I go in for my uterine lining check. The 29th I get progesterone drawn and then start Crinone again. I HATE that stuff! The DR said I could take an alternate medicine but I decided to stick with it because it is what he obviously likes most being that he prescribes it. I will suck it up! As long as all continues to go well August 3rd is our day to transfer. 3 weeks, 2 days!!! We transfer on a Sunday morning which is awesome because Sundays are my husbands only days off. Last time we did transfer once it was over he dropped me home and had to go back to work so I am looking forward to him being home with me.

The cost for FET is significantly lower which I am really happy about. It is about $1,600 for the procedure and I just refilled my meds, they were $562. HUGE difference from fresh transfer. We are still into it for well over $20,000 but this amount seems like nothing compared to before!!!! I so wish this was covered by insurance! I am guessing we will have to pay to re-freeze the other embryos as well? I don’t even know how that works. Do they thaw all of the embryos, or just start with 2 of our 5 and see if they make it? I will definitely have to ask at my next appointment.

Well the hubby is headed home with Chinese so it’s time to go get my game face on. I have been wanting Chinese for almost a week. So excited right now!

Here we go again…

So today I had a bit of a breakdown. I talked to my IVF nurse on the phone for the first time in forever. It is time to start this crazy process all over. Well, not all over, but somewhat. We are fortunate to have five frosties so this time around should be a lot easier. My nurse is having me come in tomorrow morning for baseline sonogram and then I will start Estradiol. After I hung up with her I cried. I drove in silence and just cried. I am scared out of my fucking mind of going through this again. I have been completely fine up until after that phone call. I have not been obsessing or stressing at all and now all of my crazy emotions are coming back. I am terrified of another failure. I am praying that the only thing wrong last time was those two nasty fibroids. I just don’t know how much more failure in the baby making department I can take. Not to mention I have nightmares of my husband leaving me for someone who can give him a baby. Now anyone that knows my husband knows he is an amazing person and extremely loyal and honest. But still I feel like he will never truly be satisfied in this lifetime if he does not have a child of his own. Ugh, these are the exact feelings I was enjoying NOT having but now they’re all back. I told myself this cycle I would be healthier, be doing yoga, be at least ten pounds lighter. But guess what? I have actually gained MORE weight, have been eating like shit, drinking coffee, and barely done any exercise even though I have TONS of free time. (sigh) OK, no more negative thoughts. THIS WILL HAPPEN.


In other news July 4th was awesome. I actually did my hair for the first time in forever, we saw amazing fireworks, and I ate like a fat kid. Here is the hubby and I…

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Yes, my husband has “WHORE” tattooed in his mouth. Our first date, we dared each other to get matching tats and bc of an inside joke, that is what we got. That is when he knew I was the one he said, because I am just as nuts as him. 😉

OK, time to go check my veggetti. My healthy eating starts NOW.

Ice Ice Baby

I got my preliminary FET schedule from my IVF nurse a couple days ago. Looks like we will be thawing out our little ice babies around July 29th or so. I am pretty excited, but still not obsessing like I was previously. Not counting down the days. I think I am more nervous than anything. If once again it doesn’t work I just don’t know how I will cope. Years of trying, surgeries, medicine, DR visits, miscarriage, negative after negative…maybe I am becoming numb. I don’t know. I just want to be freaking pregnant already. I am over the trying part. It is so draining. I am also so f*cking tired of people saying “It will happen when the time is right.” Who determines when the time is right??? Stop saying that. It is super annoying. The time couldn’t be more perfect. Just listen to me vent and don’t say the standard BS lines. I don’t want to hear it.

Anyways, enough of that. One reason I have probably been so distracted is that I am changing my major AGAIN. I honestly don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. I was a Medic and EMT in the Army then I got out and stayed in the medical field for quite some time. I then owned a body shop with my ex-husband, I did all of the paperwork from home so I could be with my kids who were young at the time. Once I divorced him I was the office manager for my parents business for a few years. Then one day I decided I wanted be a hair stylist, I went to cosmetology school, even though my husband warned me I would hate it. I graduated, got licensed, worked in a salon for several months and guess what? I hated it. My hubby knows me well. Since moving to Texas a year and a half ago I haven’t worked. Well, thats a lie, when we first moved here I did some insurance leads from home briefly. I hated that too. I quit and decided to go to college. My husband’s idea actually. When I first enrolled my thought was to become a Physical Therapy Asst., I ultimately decided I would probably hate it. My new thought was Web Design, after wasting a semester on those classes I decided I hated that too. Then I thought well maybe I would get into Computer Programming. Technology is huge in Austin. About a month or more ago I thought nursing as well, or something in the medical field. Now I am torn between Computer Programming and RN. My husband thinks computers would be better for me, this way it is more relaxed, I won’t be around that many people (I am a bit of an introvert), and I can eventually work from home so I can be with the kids. My friends and other family think medical would be great for me. I am leaning more towards RN, thinking of getting my Associates as a Surgical Tech first then doing the bridge program to RN. I am just worried about the long hours on my feet, crazy schedule away from my family and the kids, my hubby already works 75 hrs a week, someone has to be home. Plus I would have to remove my monroe piercing and wear long sleeves every day to cover my sleeve (tats), the thought of that annoys the shit out of me. It’s 2014, people need to stop judging people with tattoos already. Bottom line is, my heart says medical. I want to help people, and I really want to work with kids. Computers seem so boring to me. But computers also make the most sense to me considering I am getting ready to start all over with a baby, eventually. I have been there done that and I know how hard it is to have little ones and I do not want a daycare spending more time with my kids than me. I also don’t want to hate my job. I only have a couple of weeks to figure this out before Fall classes start. I am enrolled in medical classes for now, Anatomy and Physiology and Medical Term. Tomorrow I will go to a computer programming info session at school and be able to pick some tech nerds brains and hopefully decide within the next week. Almost 36 yrs old and still no clue what I want to be when I grow up. Thank you God for giving me such a supportive husband. He just tells me to do whatever will make me happy and puts no pressure on me. Sometimes I just feel so stressed, the need to get pregnant, the need to decide on a career, the need to graduate, the need to work, the need to be a good mom to the kids I have, the need to be a good wife, the need to be happy. What I really need is a vacation to somewhere with palm trees and ocean…oh, that used to be what I called home. I need to go back home to Jupiter, at least for a week. I miss home.