5dp5dt

Not much to report. My breasts have been feeling very full and tender the past couple days (especially at night). During the day, if wearing a bra, somewhat, but not so much. In my previous pregnancies this has always been how I knew I was pregnant. I feel like when I was pregnant they were SUPER sensitive. I don’t have this…yet. I’m also quite aware that progesterone can make breasts feel full and tender. I will continue to be optimistic though and believe that they are growing because I have life growing in me. 🙂 That’s really all I feel at this point. I am just really looking forward to some good news on Tuesday!! I will NOT test early. I will NOT test early. I will NOT test early…

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3dp5dt

Well it has been a little over 72 hrs since my beautiful embryos were put inside their home. I’m not feeling much at this point, it’s still rather early. My breasts are starting to feel a bit fuller so I’m hoping that’s a good sign! I’ve been much more positive in my thinking this cycle and have really bonded more with my little ice babies. I even fell asleep holding the picture framed of them.

My husband and I actually did something very scary and made our experience public to all of our friends and family. I was hesitant at first but I don’t feel this should be something that’s hidden. IVF shouldn’t be whispered about and made to feel taboo. It is a huge deal and the more prayers we can get, well, bring em’ on!!! Everyone was SO supportive!!

imageIt really felt amazing to receive all the love we did. Part of me was scared afterwards because if it isn’t successful, I have to tell everyone. But I am really ok with it all I think. I feel it will be a success so the fear isn’t necessary.

Here is an awesome pic of my babes snuggled up in my uterine cavity. I posted this pic too. 🙂

imageSomeone who inspired me to open up publicly was Bobbie Thomas. She just recently made her story public, and even shared on the Today show yesterday with Kathie Lee. I actually left a comment on Bobbie’s page about how I was thankful for her sharing and she replied! I thought it was super cool!

 

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Well that’s all I got for now. Hopefully by the end of the week I have better/more news!

Safe & Sound

Well they’re both in! Here is a picture of the hubs and I, and of our two beautiful ice babies. 🙂 Yes, I framed their picture. It’s on my nightstand. 🙂 Will write more later in the week, going to finally watch Bad Words. So excited!

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Twas’ the night before transfer…

Well less than 24 hrs to go! I am super excited but I am also terrified. We have had SO much failure over the past several years. I just want this to finally happen. I am really going to try and stay positive and calm this time, and stay off google!!! Last transfer was just a very hectic time, the kids were finishing school, I had exams, I was constantly googling info about transfers and IVF, it was not healthy. Both of my kids are in Florida for the next week and a half so I will be home alone (during the day – hubby works), free to just relax. I took my last exam for Psychology today (almost a week early) so that I could be finished with the class early. I am officially done with this semester and got another “A”. (happy happy) That is a HUGE relief!

This week I pigged out on sushi since I won’t be able to for quite some time. Damn I love sushi. There is a new place that opened down the street and it is soooo good. I am super picky about seafood, probably because I was raised on the beach, I know fresh from not fresh. This sushi is FRESH!

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So anyway, I talked to my nurse yesterday and she said my arrival time is 9:30 tomorrow morning, transfer at 10:30. They will give me 2 valium this time because last transfer I was pretty wound up (I have a very anxious personality). I told them I want to be nice and relaxed haha. I am to bring my Crinone with me and insert after the transfer, before I go home (didn’t do that last time). Today I made sure the house is spotless, a clean house is such a stress relief for me LOL. I filled up my gas tank, filled up the fridge. I also used the last of my amazing truffle goat cheese in a omelette (no soft cheese supposedly while pregnant), and I enjoyed my last non-fat latte for the next several months!

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The only thing I didn’t get to do today was pick up this weeks meals at Snap Kitchen. Brandon said he would go tomorrow. Tomorrow when we get home I plan to just chill in bed for the day. I am super excited that Bad Words is On Demand now so we will definitely be watching that!

I will try and get on this week and post a pic of my little frosties. 🙂

xoxo

Freaking out

Well as of right now I have 4 days, 19 hours, and 49 minutes until my FET. I am freaking out and praying all continues as planned. This morning when I came home from the gym I noticed blood when I wiped. I swore it was my period coming. I was devastated. I told my hubby, and he of course tried to calm me down and comfort me. I went about my business, went to the lab and had my progesterone drawn, emailed my nurse (poor thing I email her almost every other day about something), and then sat down and waited. I cried. Checked my email every 5 minutes to see if my nurse had responded. She finally did right after 9:00 am and told me basically the meds they have me on are intended to stop me from ovulating but sometimes it doesn’t work. She said she would let me know as soon as she got my progesterone level, that would ultimately be the deciding factor on if we would move forward with the transfer. She called right after 11:00 and told me we were good to go, my level was nice and low at 0.2. I cried when we got off the phone, happy cry of course. I still don’t feel comforted though. Why did I bleed? Was it the beginning of my period which is due to start on Friday? Was it because I have been going so hard at the gym? Is this a sign from God I should reschedule? I never randomly bleed. Ever. What does the low progesterone number have to do with anything (I wish I had asked why that was so important)? I haven’t bled since. So weird. Ugh, I am going to be a nervous wreck until the transfer. Oh, and then after the transfer too of course!  All I can do is pray all goes well and leave it in God’s hands.

Last week at my uterine lining check the big “U” looked great, lining was 8.3 (it needs to be at least 7). So according to my numbers, everything looks great. I feel great. I have been eating clean and working out 6 days a week. Already lost quite a few inches. I feel so much better. I plan to take my last exam for this semester on Saturday so I can finish the class early and have next week to just be stress-free. I got the OK from the American Red Cross to sign up for orientation as a volunteer, I am all set to attend next Wednesday. I am really excited! It was a long process to get this far.

Fingers crossed no more bleeding. I am so tired of all of the set backs. It is so mentally exhausting. Ok, back to studying.

Anxious

So I have about 2 1/2 weeks to go. I am getting super anxious! I started working out daily about 2 weeks ago and it is keeping me distracted. I also found a last minute Distance Learning class for school that I signed up for. It is a six week Psychology (Human Development) class so not only is it a super interesting topic, but it’s a 6-weeker which means it is going by very fast and it distracts the hell out of me. Took my first exam today and got an A. Super stoked. I am getting really ANXIOUS though!!!! I am sooooo excited and really just hoping everything goes smoothly and that by this time next month I am preggo.

The hubby has started coming with me to the gym which I am really happy about. He is training me on weights. I am already losing inches and down 3 pounds. We also started eating completely clean. No processed foods whatsoever. For our lunches we went to this really cool place in Austin called Snap Kitchen and loaded up on pre-made meals. We will go there twice a week and stock up on lunches. They are completely natural, local grown food. A little pricey ($150 a week) but soooo worth it. We tried meal prepping on our own but it is very time consuming and we got bored of the foods. This will give us a good variety plus the portion sizes are what they need to be. I am really trying to go into this pregnancy healthy. I ate like shit the last time, well most of the time anyways, and I wasn’t active at all. This time last year I was running half marathons and miscellaneous other races almost every other weekend. I stopped when we started this process and I have gotten so out of shape it’s ridiculous. Looking forward to getting toned back up! Here are a couple pics from some of my half marathons…

This was my first one. Livelong. I was super slow but so amazed that I ran the whole thing without stopping! The little kid running behind me in the distance is my son. He waited for me about 1/4 mile away from the finish line and I will never forget when I saw him I just started crying. One because I knew I was almost done and two because I felt so blessed that my family was there to see me finish (my hubby and daughter were waiting at the finish). He ran behind me the rest of the way to the finish. 🙂

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This one is from one of my favorites, but hardest. We flew to San Francisco for me to run this. It was the Nike Womens Marathon. At the finish line firefighters were waiting with Tiffany necklaces. Instead of the traditional finishers medal I got a beautiful necklace. My hubby thinks that’s the only reason I wanted to do that race. Hmmm, maybe he’s right! I did love San Fran though!

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Ok, I got totally off topic on this post! 😉

So yea, anyways, I am super ANXIOUS!!! Feels like the countdown to Christmas Eve! 😉

3 weeks 2 days

So Tuesday I saw Dr. Silverberg and got my baseline ultrasound. He said everything was good, uterus was looking good, FREE FROM FIBROIDS yay!!!! I started Estradiol 2x a day and will increase to 3x a day next Tuesday. I am actually not doing to bad on it this go around. I have had headaches but not like before and my night sweats aren’t as bad either. July 25th I go in for my uterine lining check. The 29th I get progesterone drawn and then start Crinone again. I HATE that stuff! The DR said I could take an alternate medicine but I decided to stick with it because it is what he obviously likes most being that he prescribes it. I will suck it up! As long as all continues to go well August 3rd is our day to transfer. 3 weeks, 2 days!!! We transfer on a Sunday morning which is awesome because Sundays are my husbands only days off. Last time we did transfer once it was over he dropped me home and had to go back to work so I am looking forward to him being home with me.

The cost for FET is significantly lower which I am really happy about. It is about $1,600 for the procedure and I just refilled my meds, they were $562. HUGE difference from fresh transfer. We are still into it for well over $20,000 but this amount seems like nothing compared to before!!!! I so wish this was covered by insurance! I am guessing we will have to pay to re-freeze the other embryos as well? I don’t even know how that works. Do they thaw all of the embryos, or just start with 2 of our 5 and see if they make it? I will definitely have to ask at my next appointment.

Well the hubby is headed home with Chinese so it’s time to go get my game face on. I have been wanting Chinese for almost a week. So excited right now!

Here we go again…

So today I had a bit of a breakdown. I talked to my IVF nurse on the phone for the first time in forever. It is time to start this crazy process all over. Well, not all over, but somewhat. We are fortunate to have five frosties so this time around should be a lot easier. My nurse is having me come in tomorrow morning for baseline sonogram and then I will start Estradiol. After I hung up with her I cried. I drove in silence and just cried. I am scared out of my fucking mind of going through this again. I have been completely fine up until after that phone call. I have not been obsessing or stressing at all and now all of my crazy emotions are coming back. I am terrified of another failure. I am praying that the only thing wrong last time was those two nasty fibroids. I just don’t know how much more failure in the baby making department I can take. Not to mention I have nightmares of my husband leaving me for someone who can give him a baby. Now anyone that knows my husband knows he is an amazing person and extremely loyal and honest. But still I feel like he will never truly be satisfied in this lifetime if he does not have a child of his own. Ugh, these are the exact feelings I was enjoying NOT having but now they’re all back. I told myself this cycle I would be healthier, be doing yoga, be at least ten pounds lighter. But guess what? I have actually gained MORE weight, have been eating like shit, drinking coffee, and barely done any exercise even though I have TONS of free time. (sigh) OK, no more negative thoughts. THIS WILL HAPPEN.

 

In other news July 4th was awesome. I actually did my hair for the first time in forever, we saw amazing fireworks, and I ate like a fat kid. Here is the hubby and I…

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Yes, my husband has “WHORE” tattooed in his mouth. Our first date, we dared each other to get matching tats and bc of an inside joke, that is what we got. That is when he knew I was the one he said, because I am just as nuts as him. 😉

OK, time to go check my veggetti. My healthy eating starts NOW.

Ice Ice Baby

I got my preliminary FET schedule from my IVF nurse a couple days ago. Looks like we will be thawing out our little ice babies around July 29th or so. I am pretty excited, but still not obsessing like I was previously. Not counting down the days. I think I am more nervous than anything. If once again it doesn’t work I just don’t know how I will cope. Years of trying, surgeries, medicine, DR visits, miscarriage, negative after negative…maybe I am becoming numb. I don’t know. I just want to be freaking pregnant already. I am over the trying part. It is so draining. I am also so f*cking tired of people saying “It will happen when the time is right.” Who determines when the time is right??? Stop saying that. It is super annoying. The time couldn’t be more perfect. Just listen to me vent and don’t say the standard BS lines. I don’t want to hear it.

Anyways, enough of that. One reason I have probably been so distracted is that I am changing my major AGAIN. I honestly don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. I was a Medic and EMT in the Army then I got out and stayed in the medical field for quite some time. I then owned a body shop with my ex-husband, I did all of the paperwork from home so I could be with my kids who were young at the time. Once I divorced him I was the office manager for my parents business for a few years. Then one day I decided I wanted be a hair stylist, I went to cosmetology school, even though my husband warned me I would hate it. I graduated, got licensed, worked in a salon for several months and guess what? I hated it. My hubby knows me well. Since moving to Texas a year and a half ago I haven’t worked. Well, thats a lie, when we first moved here I did some insurance leads from home briefly. I hated that too. I quit and decided to go to college. My husband’s idea actually. When I first enrolled my thought was to become a Physical Therapy Asst., I ultimately decided I would probably hate it. My new thought was Web Design, after wasting a semester on those classes I decided I hated that too. Then I thought well maybe I would get into Computer Programming. Technology is huge in Austin. About a month or more ago I thought nursing as well, or something in the medical field. Now I am torn between Computer Programming and RN. My husband thinks computers would be better for me, this way it is more relaxed, I won’t be around that many people (I am a bit of an introvert), and I can eventually work from home so I can be with the kids. My friends and other family think medical would be great for me. I am leaning more towards RN, thinking of getting my Associates as a Surgical Tech first then doing the bridge program to RN. I am just worried about the long hours on my feet, crazy schedule away from my family and the kids, my hubby already works 75 hrs a week, someone has to be home. Plus I would have to remove my monroe piercing and wear long sleeves every day to cover my sleeve (tats), the thought of that annoys the shit out of me. It’s 2014, people need to stop judging people with tattoos already. Bottom line is, my heart says medical. I want to help people, and I really want to work with kids. Computers seem so boring to me. But computers also make the most sense to me considering I am getting ready to start all over with a baby, eventually. I have been there done that and I know how hard it is to have little ones and I do not want a daycare spending more time with my kids than me. I also don’t want to hate my job. I only have a couple of weeks to figure this out before Fall classes start. I am enrolled in medical classes for now, Anatomy and Physiology and Medical Term. Tomorrow I will go to a computer programming info session at school and be able to pick some tech nerds brains and hopefully decide within the next week. Almost 36 yrs old and still no clue what I want to be when I grow up. Thank you God for giving me such a supportive husband. He just tells me to do whatever will make me happy and puts no pressure on me. Sometimes I just feel so stressed, the need to get pregnant, the need to decide on a career, the need to graduate, the need to work, the need to be a good mom to the kids I have, the need to be a good wife, the need to be happy. What I really need is a vacation to somewhere with palm trees and ocean…oh, that used to be what I called home. I need to go back home to Jupiter, at least for a week. I miss home.

Update

Well it has been quite some time since I have posted on here. Had to take a breather. I was obsessed with my fertility, or rather my infertility. Felt good to take a break from it all!

So, what’s been going on with me? Well remember my nasty fibroid, it is gone finally! I had a laparoscopy myomectomy around 4/5 weeks ago. The post-op pain was worse than labor. Holy shit, I really thought I wouldn’t survive it LOL. Dr. Silverberg performed the surgery, thank God. He is AMAZING. I was trying to find a DR in my network so I wouldn’t have to pay out of pocket but I didn’t feel comfortable with just anyone cutting into my uterus. I ended up paying for Dr. S to do it. He gave me a great discount. Still ended up paying a pretty penny, but it was worth it. When he went in to to do the removal he actually found another fibroid and some endometriosis that he got rid of. The original fibroid that prompted surgery ended up being double in size than originally thought and deeply embedded in my uterine wall so the surgery involved more scraping around. The second fibroid he found was a little guy just chilling on the outside of my uterus. I was in soooooo much pain afterwards. Once I got home and the  hard core pain meds from the hospital wore off, I thought I was dying from the pain. I was literally screaming and crying. Thank God for my husband because he was the best nurse ever. I think most of the initial pain was from the gas they put in me during the surgery. It was moving all over my body and made it extremely painful to even move. We called Dr. S and he said it was completely normal and explained that it ended up being a more complicated surgery than originally thought. Around day 3 post-op I was finally a little more comfortable but I was in pain for about two weeks! Thank God that is over!

At my post-op appt. Dr. S checked my incisions, all three of them, yes he cut me open in three different spots, they’re all relatively small though. All three looked great. He then informed me because he took out such a big fibroid, and because it was so deeply embedded he wanted more time for my uterus to heal. We originally were planning for a frozen transfer this month, around this time actually. So I was pretty bummed. He said we had to wait until the end of July. He also ordered me ANOTHER HSG, ugh, hate them, so that he could make sure there was no scarring in my uterus. I had that done last Friday and my uterus looks fabulous, no scarring. So now I wait. That is the hardest part. Luckily I haven’t been obsessing over it. I am not sure why, but I am not as anxious and impatient this time around. Thank God.

I did unfollow some of the blogs I was following. I did this because when I originally started following them they were posting about their infertility and I wanted to compare stories. Some of these women got pregnant, and honestly, I don’t want to read about it. Don’t get me wrong, I am genuinely happy for all of them, but I followed an infertility blog for a reason, not a pregnancy one. I have decided that once I get pregnant I will create a new blog to post all about the pregnancy in. Anyways, I think that has helped a bit too, not to constantly see or read about others being pregnant. I am not bitter, but just not interested. Hopefully that did not come across mean!

Well I am off to enjoy this beautiful Texas day with my daughter. I will update soon! 🙂

Surgery is set!

Well I am all set for surgery to get my evil fibroid removed. I go in May 12 for my pre-op and May 16 for the big S. I am so relieved that Dr. Silverberg is doing the surgery. Apparently Intramural fibroids can be tricky to remove without damaging the uterus, well this is the case for me anyways. Mine seems to be encroaching upon my uterus. My GYN Dr said that someone not having much experience removing these can actually botch the surgery, which could in turn cause me to have my uterus removed. HUH!!!!!????? Now I could have found a Dr within my network and had this covered by insurance  for FREE, ahhh, I love that word FREE, but Dr. Silverberg is apparently the bomb.com at taking these bad boys out, hence why I am going with him. Thankfully my insurance will cover the surgery itself so I am only left with Dr. Silverberg’s fee. The peace of mind is definitely worth it. I just wish I had done this when he first recommended it, our fresh transfer may have had a different outcome. Oh well, I will not dwell on the “what if’s”, instead I will look forward to June and putting two of my little frosties in their home. One word of advice though, if your Dr recommends something, LISTEN. 😉

Moving on…

Well here I am, just shy of a week from finding out my first IVF cycle was a flop. I am actually doing OK now. I haven’t cried in 2 days, and I have even been laughing. It helps that I have a totally amazing husband that has reassured me that this is not the end for us, a baby will happen. It also helps that the 2 totally awesome children I have already been blessed with have been extremely supportive. They both laid in my bed while I balled my eyes out in their arms, it is supposed to be the other way around, but I needed them at the time. They rock. My parents and friends have also been super rad. I am blessed. I received some gorgeous flowers from a good friend and my husband, and I also treated myself to a bottle of my favorite wine. This too shall pass…

 

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Dr. Silverberg called me personally Friday night to tell me how sorry he was. He had been out of town and just found out. He had no answers for me other than I could have had abnormal embryos or it could have been that ugly “f” word I spoke of before, the fibroid. There is no way to tell unfortunately. All I know is, that bitch, the “f”, needs to come out. Dr. S said he will perform the surgery for me to remove it, hopefully in a couple of weeks and then we will do a frozen transfer  in June, assuming all goes well. I was terribly sad up until I got the phone call from him. By the time our conversation was over I felt at peace. My sadness was gone. He is extremely reassuring and the fact that he personally called me to talk to me made me feel really good.

So now it is time to move on. I will have another child. This just wasn’t the time. I have been blessed already with 2 amazing children, and cannot wait to add to our family.

On another note, two of my fellow bloggers that I follow, who had transfers around the same time as me, just got positive pregnancy tests. They have no children yet and have had very long  journeys, it made me so very happy to see their good news. 🙂

 

Crushed…

And here it is, in black & white, the one word I was dreading…NEGATIVE.

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I f*cking knew it. Deep down in me, I just knew. Which is why I went ahead and tested a day early so I could move on.

I am beyond devastated. My heart is broken. My spirit crushed. Nothing more to say.

6dp5dt

Today is 6 days post transfer for me. I’ve been feeling pretty down the past couple days. What a mind f*ck this whole process is. I’m just a mess. The not knowing kills me. Having been pregnant before, naturally, and having 2 children was just so different than this. I had no worries then, other than what to eat. I felt pregnant before my missed periods. Right now, 3 days away from AF, I have zero pregnancy symptoms.

2dpt I had some pretty intense cramping, it only lasted about 30 min and I convinced myself it was my little embies attaching to my uterus. On and off since then up until yesterday I was pretty crampy. Back pains, twinges, cramps. I also had 2 specks, literally just 2 red dots when I wiped yesterday. I freaked, pages my nurse, she told me to get out of the house, it’s going to be what it is. But in a nicer way. Was it implantation spots? Who knows. They were bright red, IB is brown or pink from what I’ve read. I took her advice and the hubby and I went on a date. We ate dinner at our favorite restaurant and then bought the kids their Easter goodies.

This morning I woke up and noticed I have the same odor from down under (sorry TMI) that I ALWAYS get a few days before AF. I also have a little burning and dryness…probably the Crinone. I have no breast tenderness, or anything else remotely close to pregnancy symptoms.

I told myself I would stay positive throughout this process and not allow any negativity to be present but truth is I’ve done nothing but worry, obsess, and google everything under the sun related to this. I know, not healthy.

I will test Wednesday, if AF doesn’t come first. I can’t help but feel defeated yet again. (Sigh) Enough pity party, time to go celebrate this wonderful day that Christ has risen.

They’re in!!!

Ok, so my 2 beautiful little embryos are safely in my uterus, now I’m just counting down the days till they snuggle up real tight and implant.

Today was very smooth. Got to the hospital at 11:30, they gave me a Valium, a bottle of water and some really cool socks that they say is a tradition for all the women to wear during transfer (the fuzzy things below). 🙂 image

Then the embryologist came in and gave us pictures of our beauties. She said we have 5 more that are absolutely perfect as well, which we are freezing. After that we went off to the OR. The embryo lab is right next to the OR so the embryologist was able to show us the loading of the embryos into the needle on a big screen TV in the OR. Once they were loaded he brought the needle in, handed it to DR Silverberg, and in they went! We were all joking and laughing the whole time so it was really a great experience and made me feel completely comfortable. My Dr is just super awesome, and so was the staff at St. Davids. The DR kept saying our embryos were perfect and he couldn’t believe we had 5 more just like it to freeze!

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Afterwards they wheeled me to recovery and I laid there about 20 minutes fighting the urge to pee myself, and then boom, done. Grabbed lunch with the hubby and then he dropped me off home. I’ve been in bed watching I Love Lucy and loading up on fluids. Just relaxing. Tomorrow it’s back to school and normal for me. I test on the 23rd!!! How am I going to stay sane till then?!?! 😉 Here’s our embies in utero. The small white line to the right, about 1/4 down, is the fluid they’re in.

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For now, I will lay in bed, turn on some awesome music, and jam out, all the while envisioning my little beans. 🙂 Here’s an awesome pic of them…image

Transfer day!!!!

So today is the day I meet the two embies that will be transferred. Saturday the nurse called and said I had 9 “really pretty” embryos and because they were so pretty we would wait and do a five day transfer, which brings us to today. I am so stinking excited. I barely slept.

Since retrieval I have been taking it extremely easy to try and avoid OHSS and I believe I have been successful. Been in bed mostly, my husband and oldest child have been a tremendous help with the house and my youngest child. Hubby even went grocery shopping for me yesterday, and bought all Organic even though he hates that I buy Organic (he thinks good old fashioned stuff is just as good) LOL. He is awesome. Retrieval cramps are all gone, I am just really gassy and bloated, which could be side effects of the Crinone. Feeling better this morning, did have some really rough days with the bloating though. I have had no weight gain, which is a good sign. Yesterday I did all the laundry and washed the sheets (I love clean sheets!!! Wanted the little embies in a CLEAN house). Hubby did groceries. This morning I swept and did light cleaning, stocked my room with room temp waters, gatorades, and some snacks so I can stay in bed today. I even busted out my I Love Lucy DVD set so I can do lots of laughing. 🙂 I want to be as stress free as possible for the next week or so.

Last week I switched out my shampoo, conditioner, body wash, and deodorant for all paraben and fragrance free stuff from Natures Grocers. I also went through and unplugged all my Glade plug-ins and removed any other smelly stuff, the stuff I usually love LOL.  I heard certain fragrances can set off your immune system to go in to attack mode. Don’t want to take any chances. Plus it all has less “crap” in it, which will be healthier for my little beans.

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Well, I am off to watch Game of Thrones from last night so I can get the stress of that show out of the way! Ha ha! Then I will be ready to head to the hospital at 11:00! They will give us a picture of the 2 beauties they are putting inside me today, I will post them soon. 🙂

Retrieval Complete!

Yesterday was retrieval day and all went great!!!! They retrieved 26 eggs!!!!!! I was shocked there were so many, and elated!

The day started with us getting to the surgery center at 5:45 for pre-op, then I got wheeled into surgery room promptly at 6:45. Here I am pre-retrieval…

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I believe I was done around 7:25, it went very quick! Apparently my DR came in afterwards to check on me and I was asking him a million questions, and then started thanking him and his staff and crying like a baby…gotta love anesthesia. :-/ Here I am post-retrieval…devouring the crackers they gave me.

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Eventually an embryologist came in and told us about our 26 eggs and also mentioned my husband had a lot of sperm but the motility was low so we had to do ICSI. ICSI is where they take individual sperm and inject them into the egg rather than letting them find their way in the petri dish. An extra $1500…ouch. Oh well, we knew it was a possibility. They ended up giving me a shot of pain meds and 2 percocets before I left because I started to feel a bit of pain. It kicked in in about 10 minutes, and then we were discharged. We stopped for breakfast and some gatorade and protein shakes, DR Silverberg specifically told me not to drink any water, only gatorade, V8, and protein shakes in order to prevent OHSS.

Got home and in bed and that’s where I stayed all day. It was pretty uncomfortable and I was very gassy, I actually still am. I threw up once, I think from the pain meds. They gave me Hydrocodone to take at home but I decided not to take anything, and suffered through the day, but it eliminated and nausea and having a drugged feeling, which I hate. Today is much better, just a bit of cramping, and a lot of gas.

The embryologist called me first thing this morning and said that a few of my eggs were not mature enough for ICSI so they discarded them. Overnight 11 of them fertilized! There may another 3 to add to that count, but they won’t know until tomorrow. Those 3 have sperm injected in them but have not shown signs of fertilization. She said the eggs are mature so maybe they’re late bloomers. We shall see. Saturday morning we will get a call letting us know how they are progressing, that will determine if we go in Saturday morning for a transfer or wait till Monday morning.

I am so very excited and also nervous. I am just praying hard that all goes well, that my fibroid doesn’t end up being an issue, I do not get OHSS, and most importantly I get my sticky beans. 🙂

Trigger Time!!!

Well I went to the DR yesterday and my follies were doing great but they wanted me to do one more night of Gonal to see if we could get them a little bigger…and it worked!!!! Went back to the DR today and he was so impressed at how well I am responding to everything! I have about 30 follicles and he thinks we will get around 20 eggs from them!!!! I am an egg making machine!!!! Here is a pic from yesterday’s visit…

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I did have a tad bit of a scare, Dr. Silverberg told me we may need to freeze the embryos after retrieval if my progesterone level was over 1.5. I started freaking. He explained that studies show there are much more pregnancies with lower than 1.5 progesterone levels. He reminded me that faster is not always better, and that we don’t want to do a transfer that doesn’t have the best chance possible at producing a baby. 🙂 As sad as I was at the thought of possibly having to wait another month, I knew he was right. Thankfully my progesterone is at 0.2 so the transfer is a go!!!!

One of the nurses called me earlier and instructed me to take my Ovidrel (a.k.a. the Trigger Shot), that’s when you know it is getting close!!! I had to take it precisely at 6:45. It was a pre-filled syringe, super easy, BOOM I should ovulate within 36 hours.

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Then the nurse went over a bunch of other stuff with me. I had a calendar in front of me and went to town writing it all down. This is what my life looks like for the next couple of weeks. 🙂

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A little overwhelming! I can handle it though! Dr. Silverberg started me on Cabergoline tonight to prevent OHSS (over stimulation of the ovaries), which can cause the transfer to be canceled. I will take that for eight days. They also want me to start taking 81 mg of asprin because my estrogen levels are so high, it prevents my blood from clotting.She suggested I sign up for pre-natal yoga as well to help with anxiety and stress. I will be looking into that for sure!

So that is the progress so far. 6:45 Wednesday I will have my eggs retrieved, the hubby will give sperm, and then I go home and rest. The next couple days after that we wait to see how are embryos are doing. we won’t know until Saturday if we are transferring then or waiting until Monday for a 5 day transfer. It all depends on how the embies are doing.

Anyways, we are super excited! This is all finally happening, and everything is going perfectly!!! Fingers crossed, it will stay this way!! 🙂

15!

I am proud to announce I am the owner of fifteen shiny new follicles! WOW! And there are more expected to grow. Yay for Gonal!!

Saw the DR today and he said I am doing “GREAT!” I haven’t stopped smiling since those words left his mouth. My estrogen is 659 I think he said, which is awesome according to him. And I have fifteen beautiful follicles. These are the measurements…

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Dr. Silverberg thinks I will be ready for retrieval on Tuesday!! I go back in on Sunday for another blood draw and ultrasound, that will determine the exact date for sure. I am super excited and super nervous all in one. More excited and happy than anything though.

Had to order more Gonal, another $1200 added to the bill. But it’s worth it! It is definitely doing its job!!

Well I am off to soak in a warm bath and drink my red raspberry leaf tea…it’s all about the uterus toning!

Follicles & Estrogen

So I went to the DR today and he says all looks well so far. I have done three days of stim meds and already have four follicles. He rambled off some numbers, “six, eight, eight, and ten”. I am guessing that is the size of the follicles. I should have asked but I was just coming from Statistics class and my brain was mush. He also said my Estrogen level was 139, he says that is a normal number. So far so good!

I asked him about the castor oil packs and he didn’t really know anything about them. He actually didn’t seem to sure about them working but said I could do them if I want, can’t hurt anything. So we’ll see. It’s a messy task and I’m not sure it would make much difference in a week.

I go back Thursday and will hopefully have a better idea of a retrieval date!

Gonal F

I woke up this morning in a pool of sweat. My shirt was completely soaked, not a dry spot on it at all. My hair felt like I had just gotten out of the shower. My nausea was finally gone, but the headache was still faint. Gonal…

Rewind back to Thursday, at my appointment that talked about the “F” word. Dr. Silverberg gave me the OK to start Gonal F, the “stim” med. This med should give me lots of eggs…hopefully! 🙂 Gonal is given via injection, through a fancy little pen. This was also the most expensive of all of my meds, I think five pens cost me a little over $1000. Total cost of meds for me was $3000, everyone is different though. One lady spent $10,000 on meds alone. Yikes!

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Since starting the Gonal I have been very tired, the sweats have increased, and I pretty much have a constant headache. After I give myself the injection, I have been having some nausea as well. Nothing I can’t handle. THIS IS ALL WORTH IT. I have to give myself the injection at 8:15 every night.

Last night my husband wanted to a date night, him, my son, and myself. We went to a really cool Japanese restaurant for my last feast of sushi until after baby. 🙂 Well, because of the time, I had to bring my cooler with the medicine just like my airport adventure. 8:15 came along and off to the bathroom I went. Tiny little stall, I had to make it happen. I started sweating of course, it doesn’t take much these days, and then the process began. After it was all said and done I told my husband, dinners must be done and over with before shot time so I can be home to do this LOL. Not only was it uncomfortable to do in a bathroom stall but I became very nauseous. It was awful. By the time we got done eating I was exhausted and almost to the point of throwing up my awesome sushi dinner.

We finally got home and the feeling was so much worse. I googled side effects of Gonal and nausea is definitely one of them. I will stock up on Ginger Ale. So yea, this morning, sweat pool. So gross. So when my alarm went off for me to go take my Lupron shot, I jumped in the shower straight after. Best shower ever!

As I said, it will all be worth it. I am not complaining (at all), just telling of my experience. I will take headaches, nausea, sweating, anything thrown at me to have a successful outcome, a healthy baby. 🙂

Dr. Silverberg will start seeing me every 2-3 days now to do an ultrasound, I go back tomorrow. I will also get my blood drawn before every appointment to check my estrogen levels. He estimates I will be on Gonal around nine days from when I started (last Thurs). As I said before, he also estimates that between April 5-8th we will do retrieval. I. Am. So. Excited.

 

The “F” word

I have done all of these posts from the beginning to this post all in one day, trying to catch up on the journey so far. So now here we are today, Sunday. I have had a breast cancer scare, started my meds, and have tentative retrieval dates of April 5-8th. My latest appointment was this past Thursday. I had another ultrasound, which showed that ugly “F” word (the fibroid) again. My Doctor again mentioned surgery to remove it before proceeding. He said we could go ahead with the retrieval, which is when they take out my eggs, combine them with my husband’s sperm, and put them in a petri dish to do their thing for a few days. He said we could then freeze the embryos and have surgery to remove my fibroid, then do the transfer. I almost lost it. Tears started to form. No more obstacles. Please.

The fibroid is 3.8 cm, at 3 cm they recommend removing them because they can decrease blood supply to the uterus or the embryo can implant to the fibroid, both things causing miscarriage, or they can prevent implantation from ever eve occurring. Right now the fibroid is 9 mm away from my uterus, so as long as the fibroid does not grow anymore we should be OK. Since we are transferring two embryos, the chances of both trying to implant to the fibroid is rare…so I hope. My husband and I have decided to proceed with the transfer without removing the fibroid first. I will leave this in God’s hands. I have faith.

I have been reading about fibroids and it seems diet has a big part in their growth. My diet has sucked, not good. Also, there was a lot of mention of doing castor oil packs. Castor oil packs are supposed to be great to do in general. They help clean out your system, break down scar tissue, shrink fibroids, increase blood supply to the uterus, and many more benefits. So what did I do? Well anyone that knows me knows that I immediately went to the health store and bought a castor oil pack. For more info on castor oil packs and fertility, google it, there is a TON of info out there. DO NOT TRY IT WITHOUT TALKING TO YOUR DR FIRST THOUGH. I did not talk to my DR but plan to tomorrow.

I did do the castor oil pack yesterday. I left it on for about an hour and a half. It definitely “cleans” you out. It was messy (oil everywhere, which is hard to remove), but I plan to do it again tonight as well. I will discuss doing it further with my DR tomorrow at my appointment.

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SHRINK FIBROID!!!!

Lupron

I refer to my injection schooling appointment as my first real IVF appointment because this is when things were really moving along. I was going to be giving myself shots, seeing the DR more frequently, have a schedule. it was all becoming very exciting. This was happening. I had pre-paid everything, I had my meds, we were totally doing this!

At my first real IVF appointment the DR went over a few basics, and he told us that my ovarian assessment report very good (yay!!!), we decided he would put two embryos in on transfer day (yes, we may end up with twins, double yay!!!!), which is the max amount for my age. He did another ultrasound, which will continue to happen at every appointment. Uterus looked good but I have a fibroid that is 9mm from my uterus, and just under 4cm. He said we will monitor it, as long as it does not push on the uterus, it should be fine to proceed, otherwise I would need surgery to remove it. Panic sets in obviously because I do not want another obstacle. Please you stupid fibroid, go away, or shrink, please.

Then we met with my IVF nurse, who is a complete doll. She went over all of the paperwork with my husband and I, we signed a bunch of waivers, decided to freeze any leftover embryos, and she taught us how to do the injections. Unfortunately she wanted me to go home and immediately give myself my first injection. Problem was my husband had to go back to work and could not come do it for me. I was on my own. Damn.

I went home, laid out all my stuff, and after several moments of pulling the needle away from my skin because I was so scared, I did it. I shot myself up. It wasn’t great but it wasn’t bad either. And that was it, first injection of Lupron was in. Day one, check.

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About a week into me taking the Lupron my husband and I had to fly to Florida for a night, my husband was being honored at an awards ceremony for work. Since Lupron has to be refrigerated this proved to be a little tricky but I made it work. I had a little cooler I filled with ice packs, the Lupron, syringes, and my alcohol pads. The airline gave me no issues carrying this on. People did look at us funny when my husband told them we were carrying a human heart in the cooler. Ahhh, gotta love him. When my alarm went off to take my shot at the airport I was a little uncomfortable. You have to take this medication at the same time every day, I had to do it at the airport. Awkward. Thank God for the family bathrooms, I could shoot up in privacy.

Here we are at the airport…

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Here we go!

So once the breast issue was behind us, we had an HSG and found out my tubes were blocked. The reversal was pretty much a waste. Initially it worked obviously, we got pregnant and I had an HSG showing my tubes open. Over the course of four years they re closed. Now we knew IVF was our only option and we were ready to take off. We were fortunate to have the money to proceed, which once this is all said and done we will be at around $15,000, $22,000 if you include cost of reversal, none of which is covered by insurance unfortunately.

I bought a few fertility bead bracelets and sleep with “baby dust” under my mattress. THIS WILL HAPPEN! 🙂

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So while the breast scare was going on I was put on birth control pills to regulate my eggs and my cycle, or something like that. I don’t exactly remember, I just do what I’m told. I ended up being on birth control for around forty days. Somewhere between days twenty-five and thirty I was instructed to order all of my fertility meds. Fun stuff. I called up and ordered them through a place called Freedom Pharmacy, extremely nice staff, very helpful, and they over-nighted everything to me free. I love free!!! Once it arrived, this is what it looked like…

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A little overwhelming to say the least. I mean damn, I now had a Sharps container in my house!!! I was totally freaked and originally told my husband he would be giving me the shots, I absolutely would not do it to myself.

After I read through my checklist and made sure I had everything I was supposed to , and the things that needed to be refrigerated in the fridge, it was time to relax. This was a Saturday and Monday I would start my first injections.

And so it begins…

My family and I moved to Texas a little over a year ago. We absolutely love it and life has been very good for us since the move. Once we felt adjusted to everything here we decided we were ready to focus again on having a baby. Four years had gone by since we had a positive pregnancy test, and the two miscarriages, and we started to worry it would not happen naturally. I did some research on IVF Doctors for our area, through all of my research and by word of mouth we found our amazing Doctor, Dr. Silverberg, at Texas Fertility Center in Austin, TX.

From the first time we met our DR I knew he was the one. I know, it sounds cheesy, but it’s true! Ha ha! He made us feel very comfortable, he had a great personality, and was very “matter of fact”; he did not sugar coat or beat around the bush. He also exuded confidence, which is something you want with such a serious and expensive procedure. I read reviews about him, and they were all excellent.

The first appointment he went over our medical history, did a baseline ultrasound to check out my uterus, and then a breast exam. The breast exam turned out to be a major delay in this process. Long story short, he felt a lump, sent me for a mammo, the mammo turned out to be of concern, so I got an ultrasound, that turned out to be of concern, so I got a breast biopsy. Luckily after a couple of weeks, and a lot of anxiety, the breast biopsy turned out to be normal and we could finally proceed. Here comes the real fun!

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How we got to IVF

I have 2 kids already, ages twelve and fifteen, from previous marriage. After my divorce I decided I would never marry again and certainly would never have any more children. I got my tubes burnt around 2004, four times in each tube. My DR at the time tried repeatedly to talk me out of it because of my young age, but I insisted and they finally went ahead with it. Had I only listened to her, I would not be where I am today…

Fast forward to the summer of 2008, I met my soul mate, my husband. He had no kids of his own and we wanted children together. In the very beginning of the relationship I told him my situation and after a few months of marriage we decided to look into tubal reversal. We had been researching DR’s and decided on Dr. Monteith at Chapel Hill Reversal Center in North Carolina. This particular facility had people from all over the world coming in for tubal reversals. They were the best of the best. We made the drive up there, the staff and Dr. Monteith were amazing, we had the reversal, and he was able to salvage 3 cm on one side and 3.5 cm on the other. I felt I had a solid chance of becoming pregnant. There were women with less than that, and even just one tube that were getting pregnant.

About three months after the reversal we got what we wanted, a BIG FAT POSITIVE pregnancy test. I was ecstatic. Long story short (it still breaks my heart to think about), after a couple of weeks I miscarried. It was life shattering. I went into a very dark place. Thank God, life did go on, and I eventually pulled myself out of a horrible funk…