Freaking out

Well as of right now I have 4 days, 19 hours, and 49 minutes until my FET. I am freaking out and praying all continues as planned. This morning when I came home from the gym I noticed blood when I wiped. I swore it was my period coming. I was devastated. I told my hubby, and he of course tried to calm me down and comfort me. I went about my business, went to the lab and had my progesterone drawn, emailed my nurse (poor thing I email her almost every other day about something), and then sat down and waited. I cried. Checked my email every 5 minutes to see if my nurse had responded. She finally did right after 9:00 am and told me basically the meds they have me on are intended to stop me from ovulating but sometimes it doesn’t work. She said she would let me know as soon as she got my progesterone level, that would ultimately be the deciding factor on if we would move forward with the transfer. She called right after 11:00 and told me we were good to go, my level was nice and low at 0.2. I cried when we got off the phone, happy cry of course. I still don’t feel comforted though. Why did I bleed? Was it the beginning of my period which is due to start on Friday? Was it because I have been going so hard at the gym? Is this a sign from God I should reschedule? I never randomly bleed. Ever. What does the low progesterone number have to do with anything (I wish I had asked why that was so important)? I haven’t bled since. So weird. Ugh, I am going to be a nervous wreck until the transfer. Oh, and then after the transfer too of course!  All I can do is pray all goes well and leave it in God’s hands.

Last week at my uterine lining check the big “U” looked great, lining was 8.3 (it needs to be at least 7). So according to my numbers, everything looks great. I feel great. I have been eating clean and working out 6 days a week. Already lost quite a few inches. I feel so much better. I plan to take my last exam for this semester on Saturday so I can finish the class early and have next week to just be stress-free. I got the OK from the American Red Cross to sign up for orientation as a volunteer, I am all set to attend next Wednesday. I am really excited! It was a long process to get this far.

Fingers crossed no more bleeding. I am so tired of all of the set backs. It is so mentally exhausting. Ok, back to studying.



How can I make my blog private?? So that only the people following me can see it??


So I have about 2 1/2 weeks to go. I am getting super anxious! I started working out daily about 2 weeks ago and it is keeping me distracted. I also found a last minute Distance Learning class for school that I signed up for. It is a six week Psychology (Human Development) class so not only is it a super interesting topic, but it’s a 6-weeker which means it is going by very fast and it distracts the hell out of me. Took my first exam today and got an A. Super stoked. I am getting really ANXIOUS though!!!! I am sooooo excited and really just hoping everything goes smoothly and that by this time next month I am preggo.

The hubby has started coming with me to the gym which I am really happy about. He is training me on weights. I am already losing inches and down 3 pounds. We also started eating completely clean. No processed foods whatsoever. For our lunches we went to this really cool place in Austin called Snap Kitchen and loaded up on pre-made meals. We will go there twice a week and stock up on lunches. They are completely natural, local grown food. A little pricey ($150 a week) but soooo worth it. We tried meal prepping on our own but it is very time consuming and we got bored of the foods. This will give us a good variety plus the portion sizes are what they need to be. I am really trying to go into this pregnancy healthy. I ate like shit the last time, well most of the time anyways, and I wasn’t active at all. This time last year I was running half marathons and miscellaneous other races almost every other weekend. I stopped when we started this process and I have gotten so out of shape it’s ridiculous. Looking forward to getting toned back up! Here are a couple pics from some of my half marathons…

This was my first one. Livelong. I was super slow but so amazed that I ran the whole thing without stopping! The little kid running behind me in the distance is my son. He waited for me about 1/4 mile away from the finish line and I will never forget when I saw him I just started crying. One because I knew I was almost done and two because I felt so blessed that my family was there to see me finish (my hubby and daughter were waiting at the finish). He ran behind me the rest of the way to the finish. 🙂


This one is from one of my favorites, but hardest. We flew to San Francisco for me to run this. It was the Nike Womens Marathon. At the finish line firefighters were waiting with Tiffany necklaces. Instead of the traditional finishers medal I got a beautiful necklace. My hubby thinks that’s the only reason I wanted to do that race. Hmmm, maybe he’s right! I did love San Fran though!



Ok, I got totally off topic on this post! 😉

So yea, anyways, I am super ANXIOUS!!! Feels like the countdown to Christmas Eve! 😉

3 weeks 2 days

So Tuesday I saw Dr. Silverberg and got my baseline ultrasound. He said everything was good, uterus was looking good, FREE FROM FIBROIDS yay!!!! I started Estradiol 2x a day and will increase to 3x a day next Tuesday. I am actually not doing to bad on it this go around. I have had headaches but not like before and my night sweats aren’t as bad either. July 25th I go in for my uterine lining check. The 29th I get progesterone drawn and then start Crinone again. I HATE that stuff! The DR said I could take an alternate medicine but I decided to stick with it because it is what he obviously likes most being that he prescribes it. I will suck it up! As long as all continues to go well August 3rd is our day to transfer. 3 weeks, 2 days!!! We transfer on a Sunday morning which is awesome because Sundays are my husbands only days off. Last time we did transfer once it was over he dropped me home and had to go back to work so I am looking forward to him being home with me.

The cost for FET is significantly lower which I am really happy about. It is about $1,600 for the procedure and I just refilled my meds, they were $562. HUGE difference from fresh transfer. We are still into it for well over $20,000 but this amount seems like nothing compared to before!!!! I so wish this was covered by insurance! I am guessing we will have to pay to re-freeze the other embryos as well? I don’t even know how that works. Do they thaw all of the embryos, or just start with 2 of our 5 and see if they make it? I will definitely have to ask at my next appointment.

Well the hubby is headed home with Chinese so it’s time to go get my game face on. I have been wanting Chinese for almost a week. So excited right now!

Here we go again…

So today I had a bit of a breakdown. I talked to my IVF nurse on the phone for the first time in forever. It is time to start this crazy process all over. Well, not all over, but somewhat. We are fortunate to have five frosties so this time around should be a lot easier. My nurse is having me come in tomorrow morning for baseline sonogram and then I will start Estradiol. After I hung up with her I cried. I drove in silence and just cried. I am scared out of my fucking mind of going through this again. I have been completely fine up until after that phone call. I have not been obsessing or stressing at all and now all of my crazy emotions are coming back. I am terrified of another failure. I am praying that the only thing wrong last time was those two nasty fibroids. I just don’t know how much more failure in the baby making department I can take. Not to mention I have nightmares of my husband leaving me for someone who can give him a baby. Now anyone that knows my husband knows he is an amazing person and extremely loyal and honest. But still I feel like he will never truly be satisfied in this lifetime if he does not have a child of his own. Ugh, these are the exact feelings I was enjoying NOT having but now they’re all back. I told myself this cycle I would be healthier, be doing yoga, be at least ten pounds lighter. But guess what? I have actually gained MORE weight, have been eating like shit, drinking coffee, and barely done any exercise even though I have TONS of free time. (sigh) OK, no more negative thoughts. THIS WILL HAPPEN.


In other news July 4th was awesome. I actually did my hair for the first time in forever, we saw amazing fireworks, and I ate like a fat kid. Here is the hubby and I…

10441231_10204178545214068_448433559354617506_n 10492283_10204178220405948_8150917061120829879_n

Yes, my husband has “WHORE” tattooed in his mouth. Our first date, we dared each other to get matching tats and bc of an inside joke, that is what we got. That is when he knew I was the one he said, because I am just as nuts as him. 😉

OK, time to go check my veggetti. My healthy eating starts NOW.