I got my preliminary FET schedule from my IVF nurse a couple days ago. Looks like we will be thawing out our little ice babies around July 29th or so. I am pretty excited, but still not obsessing like I was previously. Not counting down the days. I think I am more nervous than anything. If once again it doesn’t work I just don’t know how I will cope. Years of trying, surgeries, medicine, DR visits, miscarriage, negative after negative…maybe I am becoming numb. I don’t know. I just want to be freaking pregnant already. I am over the trying part. It is so draining. I am also so f*cking tired of people saying “It will happen when the time is right.” Who determines when the time is right??? Stop saying that. It is super annoying. The time couldn’t be more perfect. Just listen to me vent and don’t say the standard BS lines. I don’t want to hear it.
Anyways, enough of that. One reason I have probably been so distracted is that I am changing my major AGAIN. I honestly don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. I was a Medic and EMT in the Army then I got out and stayed in the medical field for quite some time. I then owned a body shop with my ex-husband, I did all of the paperwork from home so I could be with my kids who were young at the time. Once I divorced him I was the office manager for my parents business for a few years. Then one day I decided I wanted be a hair stylist, I went to cosmetology school, even though my husband warned me I would hate it. I graduated, got licensed, worked in a salon for several months and guess what? I hated it. My hubby knows me well. Since moving to Texas a year and a half ago I haven’t worked. Well, thats a lie, when we first moved here I did some insurance leads from home briefly. I hated that too. I quit and decided to go to college. My husband’s idea actually. When I first enrolled my thought was to become a Physical Therapy Asst., I ultimately decided I would probably hate it. My new thought was Web Design, after wasting a semester on those classes I decided I hated that too. Then I thought well maybe I would get into Computer Programming. Technology is huge in Austin. About a month or more ago I thought nursing as well, or something in the medical field. Now I am torn between Computer Programming and RN. My husband thinks computers would be better for me, this way it is more relaxed, I won’t be around that many people (I am a bit of an introvert), and I can eventually work from home so I can be with the kids. My friends and other family think medical would be great for me. I am leaning more towards RN, thinking of getting my Associates as a Surgical Tech first then doing the bridge program to RN. I am just worried about the long hours on my feet, crazy schedule away from my family and the kids, my hubby already works 75 hrs a week, someone has to be home. Plus I would have to remove my monroe piercing and wear long sleeves every day to cover my sleeve (tats), the thought of that annoys the shit out of me. It’s 2014, people need to stop judging people with tattoos already. Bottom line is, my heart says medical. I want to help people, and I really want to work with kids. Computers seem so boring to me. But computers also make the most sense to me considering I am getting ready to start all over with a baby, eventually. I have been there done that and I know how hard it is to have little ones and I do not want a daycare spending more time with my kids than me. I also don’t want to hate my job. I only have a couple of weeks to figure this out before Fall classes start. I am enrolled in medical classes for now, Anatomy and Physiology and Medical Term. Tomorrow I will go to a computer programming info session at school and be able to pick some tech nerds brains and hopefully decide within the next week. Almost 36 yrs old and still no clue what I want to be when I grow up. Thank you God for giving me such a supportive husband. He just tells me to do whatever will make me happy and puts no pressure on me. Sometimes I just feel so stressed, the need to get pregnant, the need to decide on a career, the need to graduate, the need to work, the need to be a good mom to the kids I have, the need to be a good wife, the need to be happy. What I really need is a vacation to somewhere with palm trees and ocean…oh, that used to be what I called home. I need to go back home to Jupiter, at least for a week. I miss home.