Surgery is set!

Well I am all set for surgery to get my evil fibroid removed. I go in May 12 for my pre-op and May 16 for the big S. I am so relieved that Dr. Silverberg is doing the surgery. Apparently Intramural fibroids can be tricky to remove without damaging the uterus, well this is the case for me anyways. Mine seems to be encroaching upon my uterus. My GYN Dr said that someone not having much experience removing these can actually botch the surgery, which could in turn cause me to have my uterus removed. HUH!!!!!????? Now I could have found a Dr within my network and had this covered by insurance  for FREE, ahhh, I love that word FREE, but Dr. Silverberg is apparently the bomb.com at taking these bad boys out, hence why I am going with him. Thankfully my insurance will cover the surgery itself so I am only left with Dr. Silverberg’s fee. The peace of mind is definitely worth it. I just wish I had done this when he first recommended it, our fresh transfer may have had a different outcome. Oh well, I will not dwell on the “what if’s”, instead I will look forward to June and putting two of my little frosties in their home. One word of advice though, if your Dr recommends something, LISTEN. 😉

Advertisements

Moving on…

Well here I am, just shy of a week from finding out my first IVF cycle was a flop. I am actually doing OK now. I haven’t cried in 2 days, and I have even been laughing. It helps that I have a totally amazing husband that has reassured me that this is not the end for us, a baby will happen. It also helps that the 2 totally awesome children I have already been blessed with have been extremely supportive. They both laid in my bed while I balled my eyes out in their arms, it is supposed to be the other way around, but I needed them at the time. They rock. My parents and friends have also been super rad. I am blessed. I received some gorgeous flowers from a good friend and my husband, and I also treated myself to a bottle of my favorite wine. This too shall pass…

 

dddd

 

Dr. Silverberg called me personally Friday night to tell me how sorry he was. He had been out of town and just found out. He had no answers for me other than I could have had abnormal embryos or it could have been that ugly “f” word I spoke of before, the fibroid. There is no way to tell unfortunately. All I know is, that bitch, the “f”, needs to come out. Dr. S said he will perform the surgery for me to remove it, hopefully in a couple of weeks and then we will do a frozen transfer  in June, assuming all goes well. I was terribly sad up until I got the phone call from him. By the time our conversation was over I felt at peace. My sadness was gone. He is extremely reassuring and the fact that he personally called me to talk to me made me feel really good.

So now it is time to move on. I will have another child. This just wasn’t the time. I have been blessed already with 2 amazing children, and cannot wait to add to our family.

On another note, two of my fellow bloggers that I follow, who had transfers around the same time as me, just got positive pregnancy tests. They have no children yet and have had very long  journeys, it made me so very happy to see their good news. 🙂

 

Crushed…

And here it is, in black & white, the one word I was dreading…NEGATIVE.

securedownload (34)

I f*cking knew it. Deep down in me, I just knew. Which is why I went ahead and tested a day early so I could move on.

I am beyond devastated. My heart is broken. My spirit crushed. Nothing more to say.

6dp5dt

Today is 6 days post transfer for me. I’ve been feeling pretty down the past couple days. What a mind f*ck this whole process is. I’m just a mess. The not knowing kills me. Having been pregnant before, naturally, and having 2 children was just so different than this. I had no worries then, other than what to eat. I felt pregnant before my missed periods. Right now, 3 days away from AF, I have zero pregnancy symptoms.

2dpt I had some pretty intense cramping, it only lasted about 30 min and I convinced myself it was my little embies attaching to my uterus. On and off since then up until yesterday I was pretty crampy. Back pains, twinges, cramps. I also had 2 specks, literally just 2 red dots when I wiped yesterday. I freaked, pages my nurse, she told me to get out of the house, it’s going to be what it is. But in a nicer way. Was it implantation spots? Who knows. They were bright red, IB is brown or pink from what I’ve read. I took her advice and the hubby and I went on a date. We ate dinner at our favorite restaurant and then bought the kids their Easter goodies.

This morning I woke up and noticed I have the same odor from down under (sorry TMI) that I ALWAYS get a few days before AF. I also have a little burning and dryness…probably the Crinone. I have no breast tenderness, or anything else remotely close to pregnancy symptoms.

I told myself I would stay positive throughout this process and not allow any negativity to be present but truth is I’ve done nothing but worry, obsess, and google everything under the sun related to this. I know, not healthy.

I will test Wednesday, if AF doesn’t come first. I can’t help but feel defeated yet again. (Sigh) Enough pity party, time to go celebrate this wonderful day that Christ has risen.

They’re in!!!

Ok, so my 2 beautiful little embryos are safely in my uterus, now I’m just counting down the days till they snuggle up real tight and implant.

Today was very smooth. Got to the hospital at 11:30, they gave me a Valium, a bottle of water and some really cool socks that they say is a tradition for all the women to wear during transfer (the fuzzy things below). 🙂 image

Then the embryologist came in and gave us pictures of our beauties. She said we have 5 more that are absolutely perfect as well, which we are freezing. After that we went off to the OR. The embryo lab is right next to the OR so the embryologist was able to show us the loading of the embryos into the needle on a big screen TV in the OR. Once they were loaded he brought the needle in, handed it to DR Silverberg, and in they went! We were all joking and laughing the whole time so it was really a great experience and made me feel completely comfortable. My Dr is just super awesome, and so was the staff at St. Davids. The DR kept saying our embryos were perfect and he couldn’t believe we had 5 more just like it to freeze!

image

Afterwards they wheeled me to recovery and I laid there about 20 minutes fighting the urge to pee myself, and then boom, done. Grabbed lunch with the hubby and then he dropped me off home. I’ve been in bed watching I Love Lucy and loading up on fluids. Just relaxing. Tomorrow it’s back to school and normal for me. I test on the 23rd!!! How am I going to stay sane till then?!?! 😉 Here’s our embies in utero. The small white line to the right, about 1/4 down, is the fluid they’re in.

image

For now, I will lay in bed, turn on some awesome music, and jam out, all the while envisioning my little beans. 🙂 Here’s an awesome pic of them…image

Transfer day!!!!

So today is the day I meet the two embies that will be transferred. Saturday the nurse called and said I had 9 “really pretty” embryos and because they were so pretty we would wait and do a five day transfer, which brings us to today. I am so stinking excited. I barely slept.

Since retrieval I have been taking it extremely easy to try and avoid OHSS and I believe I have been successful. Been in bed mostly, my husband and oldest child have been a tremendous help with the house and my youngest child. Hubby even went grocery shopping for me yesterday, and bought all Organic even though he hates that I buy Organic (he thinks good old fashioned stuff is just as good) LOL. He is awesome. Retrieval cramps are all gone, I am just really gassy and bloated, which could be side effects of the Crinone. Feeling better this morning, did have some really rough days with the bloating though. I have had no weight gain, which is a good sign. Yesterday I did all the laundry and washed the sheets (I love clean sheets!!! Wanted the little embies in a CLEAN house). Hubby did groceries. This morning I swept and did light cleaning, stocked my room with room temp waters, gatorades, and some snacks so I can stay in bed today. I even busted out my I Love Lucy DVD set so I can do lots of laughing. 🙂 I want to be as stress free as possible for the next week or so.

Last week I switched out my shampoo, conditioner, body wash, and deodorant for all paraben and fragrance free stuff from Natures Grocers. I also went through and unplugged all my Glade plug-ins and removed any other smelly stuff, the stuff I usually love LOL.  I heard certain fragrances can set off your immune system to go in to attack mode. Don’t want to take any chances. Plus it all has less “crap” in it, which will be healthier for my little beans.

fg

 

Well, I am off to watch Game of Thrones from last night so I can get the stress of that show out of the way! Ha ha! Then I will be ready to head to the hospital at 11:00! They will give us a picture of the 2 beauties they are putting inside me today, I will post them soon. 🙂

Retrieval Complete!

Yesterday was retrieval day and all went great!!!! They retrieved 26 eggs!!!!!! I was shocked there were so many, and elated!

The day started with us getting to the surgery center at 5:45 for pre-op, then I got wheeled into surgery room promptly at 6:45. Here I am pre-retrieval…

securedownload (18)

I believe I was done around 7:25, it went very quick! Apparently my DR came in afterwards to check on me and I was asking him a million questions, and then started thanking him and his staff and crying like a baby…gotta love anesthesia. :-/ Here I am post-retrieval…devouring the crackers they gave me.

securedownload (20)

Eventually an embryologist came in and told us about our 26 eggs and also mentioned my husband had a lot of sperm but the motility was low so we had to do ICSI. ICSI is where they take individual sperm and inject them into the egg rather than letting them find their way in the petri dish. An extra $1500…ouch. Oh well, we knew it was a possibility. They ended up giving me a shot of pain meds and 2 percocets before I left because I started to feel a bit of pain. It kicked in in about 10 minutes, and then we were discharged. We stopped for breakfast and some gatorade and protein shakes, DR Silverberg specifically told me not to drink any water, only gatorade, V8, and protein shakes in order to prevent OHSS.

Got home and in bed and that’s where I stayed all day. It was pretty uncomfortable and I was very gassy, I actually still am. I threw up once, I think from the pain meds. They gave me Hydrocodone to take at home but I decided not to take anything, and suffered through the day, but it eliminated and nausea and having a drugged feeling, which I hate. Today is much better, just a bit of cramping, and a lot of gas.

The embryologist called me first thing this morning and said that a few of my eggs were not mature enough for ICSI so they discarded them. Overnight 11 of them fertilized! There may another 3 to add to that count, but they won’t know until tomorrow. Those 3 have sperm injected in them but have not shown signs of fertilization. She said the eggs are mature so maybe they’re late bloomers. We shall see. Saturday morning we will get a call letting us know how they are progressing, that will determine if we go in Saturday morning for a transfer or wait till Monday morning.

I am so very excited and also nervous. I am just praying hard that all goes well, that my fibroid doesn’t end up being an issue, I do not get OHSS, and most importantly I get my sticky beans. 🙂

Trigger Time!!!

Well I went to the DR yesterday and my follies were doing great but they wanted me to do one more night of Gonal to see if we could get them a little bigger…and it worked!!!! Went back to the DR today and he was so impressed at how well I am responding to everything! I have about 30 follicles and he thinks we will get around 20 eggs from them!!!! I am an egg making machine!!!! Here is a pic from yesterday’s visit…

ff

 

I did have a tad bit of a scare, Dr. Silverberg told me we may need to freeze the embryos after retrieval if my progesterone level was over 1.5. I started freaking. He explained that studies show there are much more pregnancies with lower than 1.5 progesterone levels. He reminded me that faster is not always better, and that we don’t want to do a transfer that doesn’t have the best chance possible at producing a baby. 🙂 As sad as I was at the thought of possibly having to wait another month, I knew he was right. Thankfully my progesterone is at 0.2 so the transfer is a go!!!!

One of the nurses called me earlier and instructed me to take my Ovidrel (a.k.a. the Trigger Shot), that’s when you know it is getting close!!! I had to take it precisely at 6:45. It was a pre-filled syringe, super easy, BOOM I should ovulate within 36 hours.

fgh

Then the nurse went over a bunch of other stuff with me. I had a calendar in front of me and went to town writing it all down. This is what my life looks like for the next couple of weeks. 🙂

fghj

 

A little overwhelming! I can handle it though! Dr. Silverberg started me on Cabergoline tonight to prevent OHSS (over stimulation of the ovaries), which can cause the transfer to be canceled. I will take that for eight days. They also want me to start taking 81 mg of asprin because my estrogen levels are so high, it prevents my blood from clotting.She suggested I sign up for pre-natal yoga as well to help with anxiety and stress. I will be looking into that for sure!

So that is the progress so far. 6:45 Wednesday I will have my eggs retrieved, the hubby will give sperm, and then I go home and rest. The next couple days after that we wait to see how are embryos are doing. we won’t know until Saturday if we are transferring then or waiting until Monday for a 5 day transfer. It all depends on how the embies are doing.

Anyways, we are super excited! This is all finally happening, and everything is going perfectly!!! Fingers crossed, it will stay this way!! 🙂

15!

I am proud to announce I am the owner of fifteen shiny new follicles! WOW! And there are more expected to grow. Yay for Gonal!!

Saw the DR today and he said I am doing “GREAT!” I haven’t stopped smiling since those words left his mouth. My estrogen is 659 I think he said, which is awesome according to him. And I have fifteen beautiful follicles. These are the measurements…

dd

 

Dr. Silverberg thinks I will be ready for retrieval on Tuesday!! I go back in on Sunday for another blood draw and ultrasound, that will determine the exact date for sure. I am super excited and super nervous all in one. More excited and happy than anything though.

Had to order more Gonal, another $1200 added to the bill. But it’s worth it! It is definitely doing its job!!

Well I am off to soak in a warm bath and drink my red raspberry leaf tea…it’s all about the uterus toning!